22 February 2019

Apology - not really sorry

When we feel wronged or hurt by someone, an apology can help make amends and go toward restoring the relationship. 

Too often though, what gets offered as an apology falls a long way short.
text of sorry crossed out with not sorry written below
That non-apology feeling

When the other person is not genuinely sorry, this tends to add even more hurt and damage to the situation. We may not know exactly what we want to hear, but we know immediately when an apology is not wholehearted or not genuine. 

Recently, I was offered what I considered a sorry apology for an apology. It aggravated the situation, and I wasn't prepared to accept it.

Since then, I have been thinking about what goes into making a genuine apology. 

16 February 2019

TATKOP 102

There Are Two Kinds Of People: those who fear they are ordinary and those who know they are.

See more in the TATKOP series.


those who fear they are ordinary and those who know they are

8 February 2019

TATKOP 101

Introducing the TATKOP series which explores and pokes fun at dichotomies, true and terrible. You gotta love a dichotomy!

There Are Two Kinds Of People: those who think there are two kinds of people and those who don't.

See more in the TATKOP series.


Those who think there are two kinds of people and those who don't



















1 February 2019

Introducing Wordly Explorations

Welcome to the first post of Wordly Explorations.

What is Wordly Explorations about? 


This blog is about humans and how they use words. It explores everyday words to see how well they serve us, what the use of those words tells us about ourselves and our society, and whether some words are loaded with problematic concepts or interpretations.

It looks at the way we use words to make sense of the world, to sort out our ideas, to share our thoughts with others, as well as whether the words we use make this easier or harder, clearer or messier.

The blog delves beneath the everyday words we use to their origins, changes, value-loading, use, misuse and sometimes abuse. This often starts with linguistics, but also takes us into psychology, sociology, culture and philosophy - each of which can tell us something about ourselves.

Words reveal our hang-ups, biases, fears, humour, aspriations, needs, reasoning, way of organising information about the world, social structures, ideas, values and our interpersonal connections.

Each Wordly Exploration post aims to find a small nugget of clarity amongst of our word-filled days.

One word at a time.

Are words really that important?


Okay, so what really matters are the ideas underneath our words, the assumptions that words are built upon, and the way we hold our ideas about the world all together.

Snipped from the socials, see the postscript.
But here’s the thing - we can only form and communicate these ideas with words. Words are the vehicle for our ideas, our reasoning, and an important way we connect with others. Without words, there is no way to sort out a messy or confused idea, no way to make sense of the complexity of the world, no way to be precise and clear about what we want and think.

Therefore, our choice of words - our precision in what we say - is the most important thing for conveying our ideas successfully. Words allow us to share what’s in our heads with others and to understand others’ ideas and thoughts.

Unfortunately, so often words are inadequate for the task. Words end up loaded up with the ambivalences and contradictions of our thinking. Words change meaning based on how we use them. Words hold room for misunderstanding, assumed-but-lacking understanding, and lots of rubbish talking. A stupid idea is still stupid despite being all dressed up in fancy words.

But a useful idea is no value at all if it can’t be communicated to others.

So, we realise that words are imperfect vehicles for our thoughts and ideas. But this does not mean we should just be sloppy about our choice of words. The words we use can do a better or poorer job of helping us think clearly and communicate our ideas.

Democratic society requires a healthy, functioning civil discourse. Civil discourse rests on interpersonal communication, through the vehicle of our words.

Here’s my riff on the famous saying: The price of freedom is eternal vigilance about words and how we use them.

Words are how we think about the world, reason, justify, explain, persuade, encourage, motivate and provide support to others.

If you want to tackle injustice and problems, clear and precise words are even more critical.

You may be wanting to take action about things that matter to you: you might be thinking that it’s time to protest, agitate, or dismantle the state.

By all means do that.

However, if your actions and your aims are based on flawed or simplistic thinking about the way the world is, you may be ineffectual or ignored, or do more harm than good.

Thinking and talking clearly about what is happening, why you are motivated to act, and what you want instead - all of this requires careful and precise word use.

I don’t think there are times when words cease to be really important.

Who are you writing for?


I am writing for people who enjoy exploring words and ideas and thinking about why our society is the way it is.

Snipped from the socials, no source
Readers need to be willing to step through my wordly explorations, and willing to review their own assumptions and thinking, their way of organising what they think, and sometimes even look at their own underlying needs and vulnerabilities.

So, I am writing for people brave enough to entertain ideas that feel uncomfortable and to loosen their grip on feeling definite and certain about words and ideas. Never underestimate the rarity and value of such bravery!

Why are the posts so ... wordly?


I explore words to look for understanding about human society. I write seeking clarity, complexity and coherence.

I want to understand why words can be so potent, whether words are the reason that certain strange or flawed ideas gain strong traction, what is it about humanity and the way we all think and talk that makes the world the way it is. I am interested in the big picture of how our words influence the ways we participate in our society and culture.

Small problem though: this topic is very big. Every small question about one tiny aspect of how words are used in our society is massive and complicated.

I want to push back against simplistic and flawed ideas about 'why the world is this way' and superficial ideas of how things 'should be’.

So, I use long form writing. Exploring ‘how the world is’ is not easy, quick or brief. You can expect posts of about 2000 to 3000 words. However, the posts are not always serious… human needs and foibles can be discovered through explorations of funny things we say. Where I can use them, I find diagrams help communicate concepts better than long form writing sometimes.

So, get comfortable, get ready to be uncomfortable, and make time for a long read.

What motivates you to write about word?

I love words and language. Some blogs will be entertaining for fellow word nerds. The imperfect nature of words as our vehicle for communication can be funny as well as infuriating.

But words are also like artefacts of human culture and behaviour that we can pick up and examine.

I am interested in what the way we use words and tells us about humans and about society.

When a particular word scratches my attention, I write about it to find the source of the prickly feeling and see if I can soothe that itch. I start each post with a question about a particular word and then unpick, explore and ponder it. I am not an expert; I don't have THE answers. In fact, sometimes, I end up with more questions.

Words are also tools that we humans use to make sense of ourselves and what we experience and to fumble our way through the messy complexity that is our world.

I are fascinated that we humans so often go out of their way to avoid messy reality. Words are our ‘in’ to this tendency, and how and why humans try to avoid facing complex ideas and problems.

Our western culture makes it easy to avoid complexity, contradiction and discomfort. We are encouraged to retreat to our individualist cocoons, float along in a hedonistic haze, opt out entirely, or comfort ourselves with nostalgia for a past that never really was.

I enjoy looking at how we use words, particularly when we can illuminate the confusion and the contradiction that makes up human culture and try to grapple with the world as it is: complex, awe inspiring, mind boggling, messy, and humility inducing.

Finally, words are tools that can be used against us, used to defraud us. At the personal level, sometimes the discussion around a topic can becomes clouded with emotionally loaded words, and our thinking and communication can stall through lack of useful and clarifying alternatives. At the broadest level, propaganda or deliberately slippery, shoddy words can be used by people in power to trick, distract or disempower us.

Wordly Explorations is driven by passion about words, exploring words to seek clarity about ‘what is’, and why ‘what otherwise might be’ is not.

Luckily this means there is an endless number of topics to explore.

Source 
Each post, we might examine:
  • words as the vehicle we use to think, reason and communicate complex ideas - by examining words we can be clearer and more precise in our thinking communication with others
  • words as artefacts of human society - by exploring how words are used, we can understand better understand the human world
  • words as tools we use - by being thoughtful in how we construct and use words, we can have impact the human world
  • words as tools that can be used against us - by being vigilant to the misuse and abuse of words, we can become more purposeful and intentional actors on our various temporary stages of life and avoid being the props or background in someone else's play. 
With words as our vehicle, artefacts and tools, we humans create a coherent sense of ourselves and our world. Our words allow us to reflect on, integrate and share our experiences and our understanding. Our words allow us to impact the world.

This blog is about choosing the best words for the job! 

Postscript

Just wondering: Did Stealers Wheel come up with the famous quote above?

It's a bit hard to read, but a version of this saying was written on back of their first album released in 1972 album.

"We know that you believe you understand what you think we said, but we are not sure you realize that what you heard is not what we meant." 

No one really knows for sure.

Anyway, we'd rather be 'stuck in the middle with you' Stealers Wheel than any of the various other people who have been given the credit for this clever saying.