Burdened - writing the load off

This month marks two years of Wordly Explorations. A time for review. 

Last year pushed many of us to consider what we were filling our lives with and why. What are we doing with our precious finite time on earth? Are we relishing and honoring all that life offers? Are we exploring the vast richness of our physical, emotional, aesthetic and intellectual experiences? Are we honestly facing our challenges, and supporting others through theirs? Are we doing anything meaningful?

And for me: is writing a blog the right thing to be doing at this time in history? In what way does the blog contribute to the world? 

It was a weighty question and played on my mind over many months. 

With this in the background, I read Susan Sontag's 1966 Against Interpretation and Other Essays. I was struck with new ideas from these 60-year-old essays. I sorted out a few puzzles, found a new perspective on topics I struggle with, and cheered her underlying argument: how we use words can either open or close our eyes to the wonderful complexity of the world. 

In short, I experienced what I hoped my exploration of words and the world might provide for readers: maybe a new perspective, perhaps a pause to reflect on how we use words, and even occasionally, some new ideas.

I was also reminded how much I enjoyed essays and resolved to read more this year. An incredible expository and persuasive power resides in the essay format, more often these days called 'long form' writing. I relished the deep attention required to follow another's exploratory thinking. 

Sontag's foreword opened up an answer to 'should I be writing right now?' 

For me, the essays have done their work. I see the world differently, with fresher eyes… I could describe the process this way. Before I wrote the essays I did not believe many of the ideas espoused in them; when I wrote them, I believed what I wrote; subsequently, I have come to disbelieve some of those same ideas again - but from a new perspective, one that incorporates and is nourished by what is true in the argument of the essays. Writing criticism has proved to be an act of intellectual disburdenment as much as of intellectual self-expression.

I have the impression not so much of having, for myself, resolved a certain number of alluring and troubling problems, as of having used them up. But no doubt this is illusory. The problems remain, more remains to be said about them by other curious and reflective people…

Yes, writing a blog helps me see the world with fresher eyes. And a way to see the world differently, hopefully more clearly, is what I want my writing to give readers too. Not as THE answer to a problem, but as part of their own ongoing explorations. 

By far, the most resonant word in the paragraph for me was disburdenment. (Oh, that incredible 'Aahh' rush when you find the precise word for your emotional state!!) 

This blog is my response to my sense that I carry a burden of unclear and contradictory thoughts and questions. Questions about word meaning and our ever changing word use; suspicion that some of our human conflicts continue to fester mainly due to varying word meanings; perplexity with how the world is and some doubt that the simple stories of our (Western) culture really represent 'how the world is'; and a frustration with the fog (sometimes deliberately generated) of misunderstanding, poor communication, and disconnection that hangs over the fundamentals of human needs and expression. 

In this blog, I take my personal burden of questions and contradictions and write it off my shoulders. For each post, I take a dive into my own confusion and contradictory thoughts, and see what I can bring up to the surface. Not that I think I can resolve those questions absolutely, but when I explore as far as I can go, as Sontag says, I have 'used up' the question, and arrived at a new perspective where I am content to rest for a while. 

I may yet come to disbelieve some of what I have written. Which would be wonderful, because it would mean a further disburdening of questions about words, the world, what is, and why. 

Reading Sontag's personal reflection gave me a renewed sense of why this blog is the right thing for me to be doing at this point in history. I feel disburdened! I want to share disburdenment! I have clarified for myself that I would love my writing to contribute to understanding and ideally (if only for one person, in a small way) make the world just a little better. 

However, the realities of the world intrude. Other calls upon my time are many, and this reduces my writing time considerably. Having waited till later in my life to focus on exploratory writing, this is frustrating. But it is what is. 

To resolve that frustration, I am changing the posting schedule to two posts per month. In one, I will continue to explore the various tangled threads of truth and post-truth, markets, arguments, and other burdensome topics. In the other post, I will take on a less weighty ambit. Smaller topics, specific questions. These posts will encompass and replace TATKOPs and Wordly Inspiration. 

Here's to another year of exploration and disburdenment. 

References and images, used under Creative Commons licence

• Burdened explorer: https://www.pictofigo.com/image-detail/1568/Journey CC BY-SA-NC
• Susan Sontag, 1966: Against Interpretation and Other Essays, Penguin Group, Victoria Australia. Foreword pages x-xi. My emphasis added.
• Brain Pickings, 2020: Maria Popova's Favourite books of 2020, writing about Zadie Smith's book Intimations, 2020 https://www.brainpickings.org/2020/12/19/favorite-books-2020/